Here’s a funny thing about the internet: nothing ever goes away.

It strikes me as I sit here googling the closest thing I have to a love interest. The haul so far is some rather adorable teenage poetry which isn’t even bad, a blog from six years ago and a livejournal I refuse to read out of an odd respect for privacy. At least until my curiosity takes over.

Now, that might seem horribly stalkerish, but I *have* known the guy for a year and it only now occurs to me to google him. If I’d bothered to do the same with my ex, I’d have found one legal conviction and a blog entry saying what a jerk he is. Things might have gone differently (oh, who am I kidding). But let’s not dwell on that.

The thing is: rantings from six years ago are still there, indexed and all. And they don’t go away.

That is scary. Imagine being a teen these days. Imagine every stupid thing you’ve ever done or written is online, in text and pictures, and it stays there, indexed and searchable for future generations and parents alike.

Yesterday I warned a rather awesome 14-year old about Facebook. How worried should she be about the slightly tipsy pictures tagged with her name on Facebook? The answer is easy: at the moment, not at all. Just so long as her mom doesn’t see them. I told her to just make sure they were gone by the time she was applying for a job. My advice may be rather misguided. Exactly how hard is it going to be to get rid of those pictures in six years time?

Of course, most future employers or love interests aren’t going think any less of you from a couple of slightly tipsy pictures. But what will they think if they find one of those pics where you’re passed out, half naked, with drawings in sharpie all over your face?

There will come a time when teens will actually have to worry about that and *gasp* be responsible and stuff. Or at least make sure to destroy the evidence. And that’s terrible. Because it goes against the grain of all that is teen.

I am, blessedly, from a pre-cameraphone, pre-internet generation. That means I’m officially old, but it also means there’s no evidence that can be used against me. There are no pictures of a drunk teenage Lethe, because no one thought of taking a camera. Equally, none of my terrible, terrible teenage poetry and stories can be consulted by strangers, since they’re all locked up in a rather dusty journal in my attic. My exploits as a kid are entirely in my and my friends’ heads, as memories.

This also means it’s probably good I didn’t drink *too* much, since I actually still remember most of my teen years. If I didn’t, they’d be gone. That time I pretended to fall asleep on the shoulder of my then-crush to the tones of ‘Riders on the Storm’ (no, I’m not *that* old, we were just into retro music). I remember that, and I don’t think anyone else does. Or that time I got so stoned I started seeing bats everywhere. Pretty sure I’m the only one that knows about that, since I have no clue what state my friend was in at that moment.

It makes me wonder what it would be like if there *were* pictures of most of the main parties and events I went to. Would I look at them with nostalgia or would I see the stark details that my mind has since blurred, and try to destroy the evidence?

We’ve tried awesome game moment (please do still submit yours, I always need ideas for great games to play). Now let’s do scary ones.

I will admit to not playing a lot of ‘horror’ games. My sanity and, ultimately, my sleeping pattern are quite dear to me and I’m a bit of a wuss when faced with anything horror film related. To give you an idea: the first few episodes of Supernatural made me rest uneasily. That’s how much of a coward I am.

So you can imagine how proud I was of myself when I actually finished the dreaded ‘Asylum’ level in Thief 3. For the uninitiated, all Thief games are all about lurking in shadows and not being seen, creeping from place to place. The mentioned level pulls off the nasty trick of filling a creepy place (an asylum/orphanage) with horrible sounds, then waiting bloody forever to make you face any enemies. I don’t know what this does in other people, but it scared the crap out of me.

Sound is one of the dominant forces of horror, not only in movies, but also very much in games. This is one game genre where graphics mean nothing. After all, nothing is more creepy than that which cannot be seen. Show me a horrible monster, and I can probably shoot at it, show me a fleeting shadow going round a corner, and all I can do is know something awful is waiting there for me. That is suspense, and the Thief series does it beautifully. Thief 1 is the only game I’ve ever shut down cause I was too scared to go on. All because of a whispering soundtrack. The graphics in that game are awful, almost Doom like. But let me tell you, I did not need a good picture drawn for me to get all squishy inside.

Come to think of it, not a lot of genres relate themselves to the horror theme. It’s not like there’s a horror RTS out there (is there?). Thief is one of the few sneaky games that occasionally goes in that direction, even though a full blown scary sneak game sounds like an *awesome* and terrifying idea.

There’s a few puzzle games like the 7^th Guest and old fashioned adventures like the completely unknown Lost Crown, which makes you actively hunt for ghosts. But most of the creepy games are shooters. Probably cause they can use scare tactics that don’t even acquire atmosphere, but simply very fast opponents. I rather vividly remember the first headcrab I ever encountered in Half Life, and those ghouls in Fallout 3? The ones you didn’t see coming from miles away? Dear lord.

Recently I’ve been playing Bioshock, which combines both the atmosphere bits, and the tricks, making it altogether not a very healthy game to play for the likes of me and my poor nerves.

Bioshock plays in an underwater base which is on the verge of collapsing. It’s rooms are filled with the sounds of hissing and dripping pipes, making the oppressive atmosphere almost tangible. Lighting effects leave long, flickering shadows, mist hangs in the hallways and empty-eyed art deco statues decorate the walls. The game really piles it on. And then come the tricks. And I know they’re just tricks, but they still work. Like freezing your character momentarily while a mist comes over the screen. You regain your vision, only to see a weird shadow coming from behind you. Quickly swivelling round, you’re face to face with a mutated dentist! Gah! The ghosts are almost a welcome diversion.

So, what makes a game scary for you? And if you’ve started it, have you ever gotten past the cathedral level in Thief 1?

Why yes, it is a mini travel journal. Only broken down in handy bullets. Cause this is the internet. And the internet loves lists. 

• Raincoats have the unique ability to make rain go away by the mere act of fishing them out of a backpack and putting them on. Removing the raincoat will make it rain again. The same applies for sunglasses and the appearance of the sun.
•  The sound of the sea retreating from a pebble beach is really quite awesome.
• The National Trust, quite like the mafia, has a tendency to make offers you can’t refuse. Unlike the mafia, failure to comply will not result in a bullet to the head, but in a constant harassing and the need to pay money to see things that are out in an open field.
• The British not only have ’slow down’ signs for the elderly, children, badgers and dog walkers, but also for kittens.

• Being ‘invited to donate’ is another way of saying you have to pay. There’s really no invitation there.
• The British roundabouts and inner city road signs systems are an enigma and are meant to confuse and befuddle the weary tourist for the amusement of locals.
• People will wear crocs and flip flops *anywhere* including up tall cliffs.
• British Trivial Pursuit is extremely Britain-centred. I’m talking TV shows from the fifties that never made it outside the country (I still won though).
• The British are fairly gallant in traffic, to the point where it confuses more ‘active’ drivers from other countries.
• Larger book stores now have a ’supernatural romance’ shelf. This is not Sam and Dean fanfic, but the classic genre of trashy romance novels (the kind with painted portrait of bare-chested, long haired hunk clutching a woman on a windswept heath on the cover), only with vampires and werewolves. Vampire porn is now officially a literary genre. I blame Twilight.
• Students at some British colleges are not content to merely get drunk a lot and study occasionally. They have Traditions. Like walking backwards for an hour when the clocks change. This is considered grand and quite possibly elitist, not merely quirky.
• There is a Secret Chain of undercover fast food restaurants operating in Britain. They buy large old pubs and turn them into affiliates, without ever changing the name of the old pub, or displaying the big brand name anywhere. But we’re on to them, oh yes. Because they’re too cheap to change their menus from town to town.
• Conveyor belt sushi is an awesome invention, and entirely not British.
• Being woken up by a fire alarm is definitely not awesome.
• Dogs are either stupidly enthusiastic, or just plain stupid. Playing fetch with pebbles on a pebble beach is an idea so idiotic I can’t wrap my head around it. But the dog seems to enjoy it.

The year is 2277. In front of me is a robot that thinks he’s one of the founding fathers of the United States. I’m trying to convince him that I’m Thomas Jefferson, so that he’ll give me what’s left of the Declaration of Independence. My character is a young woman. It works.

 People who play a lot of games know that it’s more than a simple way of whiling the time while being slightly amused. It can be, but in that case you’re just playing the wrong games.

Games are immersive and put you in virtual situations that you’d only ever live if you were playing the hero in a Hollywood action film. In that respect they are much more like books than like television. They put you in unusual, often impossible and sometimes downright silly situations.

The difference then, between decent games and good ones, is that while the decent games entertain you and let you identify with the main character, the good ones sometimes put you in a situation that makes you go ‘Awesome!’.

 I tip my mailman’s hat to the two guards outside the gate. One of them motions me through with his semi-automatic while the other looks on as I casually walk back to my car. In the villa behind me are thirty equally well-equipped guards, making rounds and going about their business. Their boss, a Columbian drug lord, lies dead two stories beneath his bedroom window. He ‘fell’ off his balcony.

It would be unfair to rate the quality of a game to the amount of ‘awesome’ moments. Games aren’t passive. You make your own moment. From having your favourite team winning the world series, even though they haven’t even come close since 1902, to seeing the People’s Republic of Luxemburg finally take over the world.

 I am blasting down the Las Vegas Strip at a speed that blurs the palm trees, weaving between other cars and bumping into motorcycles. Chasing me are four police cars, two FBI vehicles and a helicopter. In an effort to shake them off, I make a handbrake turn into a small alley, grazing walls and smashing boxes as I race the length of it. When I emerge from the alley I see my goal: a small garage with a paint can sign. I hit the gas and speed up a set of stairs as the helicopter hovering above me opens fire. Smoke pouring from the bonnet, I slam the car into the back wall of the garage. The door closes to the sound of a rocket hitting it. I am safe.

It’s the rush of adrenaline you get from beating the odds, the knowledge of a job well done. I know I’m not being paid for this and none of it has any discernable effect on my life outside this little virtual world. But sometimes, the moment is a reward in itself.

 I awoke this morning in a bare cell, to a man across the hall mocking me. The events that led to my escape are blurry, but involved rats, skeletons, and royal assassins in the dark tunnels leading from my prison to the outside. I emerge blinking into the daylight. In my hand is an amulet that will make or break the future of the lands I’m in. A whole new, beautiful world stretches out before my feet.

So what’s your favourite game moment? And how many can you think of?

Seeing how it worked with Jade Empire, let’s try and get some decent following for this one.

My newest obsession is with Supernatural, a sci-fi/horror series that doesn’t get nearly the cult following or hype it deserves.

Why this is, I don’t know, since it managed to hook me, a notoriously non-TV minded person, to watch three episodes in a row on DVD. People who have ever watched anything with me should probably pick themselves up from the floor now: yes, it seems I am capable of an attention span that lasts longer than twenty minutes, just not for Battlestar Galactica or Firefly (*ducks*).

So, let’s break this down.

Supernatural is sort of like an adult, if oddly pg-13, version of Buffy. But instead of a hot blonde chick and her ragtag group of high school friends (or a hot non-sparkly vampire and his ragtag group of supernatural/ghetto friends, in the case of Angel), you get two hot guys driving from town to town, fighting monsters and saving damsels in distress.

So far so good. They drive a cool car (don’t ask me which, I’m a woman, I class most cars by colour and coolness, not brand names and models). They have a classic hard rock soundtrack. They seem to wear leather jackets a lot.

Did I mention they’re two hot guys? One of them is so cute I may be developing an obsession for him that rivals my infatuation with Agent 47. All in all, not a bad thing, considering the relatively non-psychopathic nature of Dean Winchester (most of the time).

Where it gets oddly pg-13 is that no one ever seems to have sex. The fact that this strikes me as ‘odd’ says a lot about the nature of modern television. There’s hints of sex, but it just doesn’t happen. In fact, most of the character development of the hot macho one seems to be him forgoing sex to do his Duty (kicking monster ass). Luckily, he still takes his shirt of at random and totally inappropriate times (yay fan service).

Possibly less great is the fact that some of the episodes have plot holes (none of which bother me too much) and all of them have a setup and story progression that’s tighter than a size zero jeans on my ample behind or, if you will, an A-cup on the luscious bosoms of SilentPsycho (choose which one you want to envision, there, they’re equally painful). The setup goes as follows: something bad and supernatural happens in a small town, our two hot guys arrive and save the day (and the girl) after some random complications, and in the end one of the guys gets his reward: a chaste kiss from the girl they just saved. This is usually the cute macho one, since the other one is too busy being tormented over the death of his girlfriend (more character development!).

It’s simple, it’s classic and it is undoubtedly geared towards teenage girls (hot guys) and boys (cool car and leather jackets, also guns). It’s even ever so slightly sexist (really? damsels in distress?). It’s pure and utter pulp. And it’s incredibly amusing.

Go try.

For those not in the know, the Geeky Women Crowd originally started off in a Sims 2 website-based chat.  Some have stopped playing the Sims, while others have carried on.  I am one of the latter.

For those who have been living under a rock, the Sims is a popular franchise that involves playing with little pixel dollies, designing them, their clothes, deciding what they do, and generally torturing them and making their lives a misery…At least that’s how I usually play it.

Soon, the third installment of the series, Sims 3 (such an original name!), will be released on 2^nd June.  At the start of May, I won a competition in order to have a free hands-on play of the game before it’s released.  So off I went to London, and despite the fact that there ended up only being four computers for twenty people, instead of the ten they were supposed to have, due to EA sending the Event Host the incorrect coded discs, I managed to get my time exploring the game.  Below are my findings on the game.  If you are a Simmer, feel free to enjoy!  If you’re a Non-Simmer, find a Simmer to translate for you.

By the way, this isn’t all the information about the Sims 3, just the odd little details I noticed during my time there.  If you want to find some more information about the Sims 3, might I suggest going here: http://forums.sims-community.com/forumdisplay.php?f=90

CAS

-         There is a colour palette for EVERYTHING!  Clothes, eyeliner, blush, eyes, hair, you name it, it’s there.  I ended up with two silver haired Sims with the deepest blue eyes you have ever seen.

-         You can put freckles and/or beauty marks on your Sims.

-         There’s multicoloured blush.

-         Jewelry comes with the base game.

-         In the hair section, the view is of the side of the face so you can see what it looks like properly.

-         There are reasonable bikinis and swimming costumes!  And with the colour palette, you won’t wish to gouge your eyes out anymore!

-         There are three separate voices for each age group, and you can adjust the pitch to whatever you want.

-         Traits are placed in five categories – Mental, Physical, Lifestyle, Social, and All.

-         There are high-heeled shoes.

Gameplay

The game play in this was absolutely brilliant!  It was definitely my favourite part.  Here’s the quick list of what I saw/learned.

-         No familyfunds cheat, alas.  Motherlode still works though.

-         There’s no auto-load when you place a family in their first home.

-         When you move to a different home, you can do it via the computer.  That gives you options on who will move with you, and if you will take the furniture with you or not.

-         One of the surprises happened when the person I watched entered their home for the first time and found out that her home was on an ancient burial groud, and she was asked whether she wanted to immediately get rid of the ghosts, or if she wanted to manage it.  She said yes, so the lot had several ghosts in it.  Later, the Repoman appeared and offered to get rid of the ghosts for her, and as she was getting bored of them she said yes.  Ghostbuster Repoman to the rescue!

-         SIMS CAN USE CORNER COUNTERS! YES, THIS IS A BIG DEAL!!!

-         Leftovers can be put away in the fridge.

-         If you have no car but still have a driveway and a place to park, the welcome wagon arrives in a car.

-         Flamingos can be included in the CAST, so we saw red flamingos.

-         Most expensive car was 105,000 simoleons.

-         There’s an option to sit on the edge of fountains.

-         Tables and chairs are automatically locked together, so when you move the table the chairs come with it.  Likewise, when you delete/sold the table, the chairs are deleted/sold too.

-         There’s an extra-long dining table.

-         Buy and build mode are either in the usual categories, or in a picture mode where you click on the item you want.

-         Deja-vu furniture!  There were several Sims 2 style furnishings that had been updated for the Sims 3.

-         You can ‘Engrave Epitaph’ on the graves, which allows you to write a short message.

-         Video games within the game include NFL, Skate, and Need for Speed.

-         There are ceilings.

-         Your Sims can learn about other Sims when you chat with them, e.g. traits, money level, careers, whether they are single, in a relationship, engaged, or married, etc.

-         You can hold a baby and talk to others.  Not sure about other actions.

-         There’s a food called Goopy Carbonara.  Yes, you get to eat Goopy.

-         You can tell your Sims to automatically invite someone over by clicking their picture in the Relationships section.

-         3 volumes for Stereo – Low, Medium, or High.

-         You can watch TV in High Definition.

-         You can buy new cooking recipes at the bookshop.

-         Computers go in the middle of desks.

-         You can actually see the gossip!  For example, when two of my Sims gossiped, pop-up came up saying “People are saying Tori Kinura is actually an alien, living undercover in our neighbourhood!”.

-         When your Sims move to a new home, they can ‘Enthuse about New Home’ to other Sims.

-         Each bookshelf has different books on it, and you can choose which ones to read.  Books include the following – ‘The Crumplebottom Legacy: A Tale’, ‘Demand Excellance or You’ll get Mediocrity’, ‘Zombies? Zombies!’ and ‘The Noble History of Socks’.  There’s also a number of baby/pregnancy related books for expecting mothers to read.

-         Teens can hang out on playground equipment.

-         Sims can get an ‘Unfinished Room’ moodlet if the room they’re in isn’t wallpapered and/or floored.  Moodlets are pretty much random things that can affect your Sim’s mood and needs, such as brushing your teeth will give you a ‘Minty Fresh’ moodlet which helps hygiene levels stay up, and sleeping until rested gives your Sims a ‘Well-Rested’ Moodle, helping the Sim’s energy levels from decreasing as fast.  Other moodlets include ‘New Home’, ‘Burned Out’, and many more.

-         The paper is delivered by children, and there’s a different one each day.

-         When you get a job, they tell you the name of your boss so you can go and shmooze them to your heart’s content.

-         Advanced warning if kids/teens will bring home a friend.

-         Teens and children have a curfew to be home by.

-         You can talk classes at the rabbit holes which increase your skill levels.  Rabbit holes are basically buildings that Sims can do into, but you can’t follow.  You can choose the options you want them to do in there though.

-         Raising your skill levels can give you advantages, i.e. if you increase your athletics skill, you get the option to ‘Work Out Without Making A Sweat’, meaning your Sims won’t get smelly.

-         When you read the newspaper, pop-ups appear tell you what’s happened in the news.

-         A townie gave birth to a baby girl called Tawanna.

-         Buyable décor includes a giant Military Guard Tower.

-         Teens don’t have Lifetime Wishes until they grow up.

-         If your teens and children do really well at school and end up on the honours list, you may be able to choose their new trait when they grow up.  The better you do in school, the better the trait will be if you can’t choose.

-         Criminal career’s workplace is the ‘Outstanding Citizen Warehouse Corp’.

Trait-Related Stuff

Traits pretty much define your Sims in the Sims 3.  They can range from Evil to Kleptomaniacs, to Absent-Minded, to Slob, and even to options such as Vegetarian.  These traits determine how Sims react, what option they can do, and a number of other stuff.

In my time playing, I created three Sims – Puck, and his twin teen children Pietro and Wanda.

Puck – Green Thumb, Good Sense of Humour, Kleptomaniac, Dare-devil, and Family Orientated.

Pietro – Hot-Headed, Kleptomaniac, Snob, Athletic.

Wanda – Artistic, Flirty, Hot-headed, Lucky.

Puck ended up stealing a dustbin from the local park, and loved to hug his children. He was also able to talk to plants, although I don’t know if all Sims could do that or if it was because of his Green thumb. He was also able to have special options to entertain other people, and thanks to the Dare-devil trait could take an ‘Extreme Sleep’ or an ‘Extreme Nap’. His Lifetime wishes that I had to choose from was Become a Master Thief, Become an Astronaut, Be Surrounded by Family (raise 5 children from baby to teen), Have a Perfect Garden (Grow 8 Plants/Fruit), and Lap of Luxury (100,000 simoleons).

Pietro often wandered off to admire himself in the mirror, and was able to ‘Brag about Fishing Accomplishments’ after he caught a minnow. He was also able to ‘Talk about Self’ and ‘Talk about Possessions’. He was able to learn athletic Skill faster, and had the option to ‘Imply Your Mom’s A Llama’.

Wanda also had the last option, as well as several others. She had several special flirting behavours, such as ‘Confess Attraction’, ‘Give Marvelous Massage’, ‘Use Pick-up Line’, and several others. She often rolled up the wish to flirt a lot. Her Lucky trait often gave her an added moodlet which made her happier, while her artistic side often showed up in being able to ‘Talk about Art’, as well as an option when you click on her to ‘Go to Art Gallery’.

The girl next to me had the Evil trait on her Sim. She had options to ‘Take an Evil Shower’, ‘Have an Evil Bath’, ‘Donate to the Undermine Cupid Trust’, ‘Practice World Dominations Speech’, ‘Have an Evil Bath’, ‘Have an Evil Sleep’, as well as other options.

Opportunities

Opportunities are mini-quests that the player can choose to accept or ignore.  In the case of adults, they can lead to stuff like extra cash, higher friendship with work colleagues, promotions, and other advantages.  Children and teens are also able to have Opportunities, which can be rewarded with stuff like cash and/or school credit, which helps them raise their grades.

Over my time playing, I got the chance to see several Opportunities for my Sims.  Puck had to go straight from his work at the Outstanding Citizen Warehouse Corp in order to deliver a package to City Hall.  Pietro got school credit and cash for fixing the school’s boiler after school, and was later asked to catch a fish and deliver it to the Landgrabb Science Faculty for an experiment.  Wanda had to read ‘Demand Excellance or You’ll get Mediocrity’ for school credit, and later got the opportunity to work for Doo Peas Corperate Tower for school credit and cash.

The End

Well, that’s it.  As you can see, I got a bit note happy.  If you can’t understand what I’ve just written, you need to find a better Simmer to translate for you.  It’s a good game, and I’m looking forward to buying it.  I really enjoyed my time in London, and I got to make a few friends.

Now someone pass me the cider I was promised for this hack!

Oh…and Mortimer Goth’s parents are bloody hot.

Every now and then you find a small treasure in the discount bin.

This is good, considering I live in a country where new games can cost  up to 60 euros, which is, well, too much for a friggin’ computer game. 

So I tend to wait a few years, and I regularly check the discount bins to see if there’s anything worth playing. That’s how I found Jade Empire. For some reason, it never received the hype it deserves. So I’ll make a case for it here, on top of harassing everyone I know about how they should all try it.

 So, reasons you should all play this damn game.

• The story is good. This is a proper story, with secrets revealed at certain times. It also contains the mother of all plot twist, which is fun.
• The characters have depth. No, really. Your party members have stories and dreams of their own. They have character. Some of them are funny, some slightly evil, one is annoyingly distressed by dead people. Several have their own quests you can unlock by getting to know them. Oh, and you can romance some of them. That always makes me giggle.
• The fighting system works. Which is handy, cause you’ll be doing a lot of it. A combination of martial arts styles, magic, bullet time mode and special attacks I haven’t even tried yet, makes for something that is both complicated, and doable. Mostly because you don’t need the complicated stuff to make it through most of the fights. I only found the bullet time mode halfway through the game, for instance.
• Doable boss fights. I hate boss fights, but somehow didn’t find the ones in this game too bad. There’s only one that’s utterly annoying, and that I had to do over a few times (until I found the bullet time mode).
• The ethics scale. You find this in more and more games. Basically, you choose what kind of character you play. Is it a saint that helps people, someone human that stays neutral, or an evil bastard? Most of the quests have different endings and many ways of solving them, which makes for a richer game.
• It’s pretty. For a game that came out in 2007.
• Most of the stupid minigames can be skipped. Bonus! If a game adds stupid minigames, they should definitely be skippable.
• It’s Knights of the Old Republic, only in ancient China. Well, it is. Most people loved that game. This is fairly similar. Same developer, different setting. Martial arts replace light sabers, space is replaced by pretty asian landscapes.

 Go. Go get it. You know you want to.

And no, I’m not being paid to say this, though donations are welcome.

In the first part of this list of tips, I gave some of the major do’s and don’ts for meeting geeky women and making them like you. This time, let’s go a bit further into the relationship.

Again, compiled from the experience of some pretty awesome women (thank you, Echo, Loaf, Cthru, White, Photo and HP!)

8. Dress to impress

Geeky women tend to care less about a man’s taste in clothing than the general populace. For most this is probably a plus. However, it must be noted that if you are trying to dress to impress a geek, different rules apply than if you are trying to impress a non-geek. Geek chic tends to be more dressed down business than sporty casual, for instance.

Also, if you find the right one, a t-shirt with some obscure and amusing quote on it is the ultimate way to show a geek woman that you are, in fact, sufficiently geeky for her and in possession of a sense of humor. If you have no clue: look through places like Thinkgeek or Splitreason for inspiration.

9. Play co-op

Playing games with your girlfriend is the ultimate excuse to both play games and spend quality time together. No Sex and the City for you! But there’s a few things you need to consider. While your online buddies don’t seem to mind being fragged and teabagged (or won’t admit to it), most girlfriends *will* take it personal and get upset if you virtually nuke them into oblivion, screaming ‘Eat lead, bitch!’.

The obvious solution is to play co-op games. What’s more romantic than taking over the world together? Great games for this are MMO’s (as long as you’re on the same team), Civ 4 or other strategy games where your two great nations can ally, and any of the Lego series games.

Try to find one that you both enjoy. It is a fact that most women, even the geeky ones, aren’t the greatest of FPS fans. Having said that, team FPS’s might work, but try to keep friendly fire to a minimum.

10. Watch movies together

A classic. Luckily, you have the kind of girl that would rather watch a Batman movie than the latest Mathew McConaughey drab. If you’re not a geek yourself, be willing to watch movies like Labyrinth  and The Dark Crystal, even if you think they make no sense. Your girl will appreciate the effort. She will also thank you for not rolling eyes at the thought of a Lord of the Rings or Indiana Jones marathon.

11.  Don’t get overly competitive

This is pretty universal. Guys like to win. This is fine, but don’t exaggerate. If you’re playing Wii Tennis against your girlfriend, you won’t be less of a man if you don’t win every time. Having fun together is more important than winning.

So don’t throw controllers in frustration. Don’t blame everyone else in the team if you didn’t make record time, or if the raid didn’t go perfectly. It just makes you look childish.

12. Gifts

At some point in your relationship, you’ll want to start giving gifts. It’s her birthday, Christmas, or you’re just the type that likes to randomly give partners stuff. Flowers and chocolate are the safe gifts here, but most geeky women might get more excited about a nice, thoughtful USB device. The trick here is to be somewhat romantic and/or quirky with your gift. Don’t just by her a boring USB stick when you could find a really cute one. Or you can give her a bouquet of RAM sticks, or a graphics card stuck in a heart shaped box. Sound silly? Your girl will love silly, especially romantic silly.

13. Keep online drama to a minimum

So you’re both geeks. You spend much time online and have quite a few friends there. This is fine. But remember that online is public. And a relationship is private. If you have a fight with your geeky girlfriend, keep said fight between the two of you. Vent to friends in pm’s or actual conversations. Do not use facebook, twitter, your blog or the chatroom you both frequent to blow off steam.

14. Accept the quirky

Whatever that quirk is. We might like blasting aliens in Halo, we might go on /b/, we might quote random internet memes at inappropriate times, we might watch hentai, we might spend half the night perfecting the code for a new mod. Geeky women could be into any number of things that are not traditionally ladylike. But hey, we’re geeks: accept it.

 Have more tips? More personal experience? Go right ahead and post

Geeky women are awesome. No really, we are.

For a certain type of guy, we are the ideal girlfriend. You can have the mac vs pc conversation with us, we install our own software, we won’t look at you funny if you mention you’ve just cleared out Vault 63 or saved Tamriel, we might even laugh at that lolcat you made. Plus, about all geeky women I know have big boobs.

But don’t get too excited. Geeky women require proper care. We might be geeks, but we’re still women. So here’s some tips on how to appeal to geeky women, and keep your geeky girlfriend happy. From personal experience, and experience of fellow geeky women (thank you, Echo, Loaf, Cthru, White, Photo and HP!).

In this first installment, we’ll get into the early beginnings: meeting geeky women, and making them not run away screaming.

1. Obey general forum etiquette

So you’re a troll. You Type Like A Newspaper. U think we R all fags lolwtfbbq.

Congratulations: you’ll never make friends online, let alone appeal to women. Geeky women specifically appreciate intelligence and to appear more intelligent, it helps tremendously if you type halfway decently. In the words of someone infinitely more wise than me:  ”If you can’t conjugate verbs, then there will be no other forms of conjugation allowed”.

2. Do not a/s/l

A/s/l only works in ’specialized’ chatrooms. The kind where you’re not hanging out to meet girlfriend material. And even then, hornypussy21 will, in 97% of all cases, not be a woman*, no matter what they say.

In any regular situation, a/s/l is the white socks in sandals of online faux pas. But it still happens a lot, in one form or another. Example: if in an MMO you meet a female character, and your second line to them is ‘Are u girl?’, you’re not doing it right.

The reason for this is that most female gamers and chatters are not online specifically to be flirted with. We are not there for your amusement, but for our own.

So how do you pick the actual women out?  The answer is, annoyingly enough, that you’ll just have to be agreeable and make friends. Most females will reveal themselves after some extended conversation. You can get on from there.

 * for a given definition of ‘woman’ as ‘older than14′, ‘female’ and ‘of the human species’

 3. Conversation starters

Since geeky women are exposed to the internet, it is possible to talk to them about random weirdness, but try to keep the dick jokes to a minimum, unless the woman starts spouting them herself.

Great conversation topics with a geeky woman are online comics, movies and TV shows, especially sci-fi or ‘cult’ series like Buffy (pro tip: I have yet to meet a girl that doesn’t  absolutely love Pushing Daisies). Books, games and science are also great topics, depending on the geek before you (coding geek or gaming geek). When talking about games, though, try to have opinions on gameplay and plotlines, rather than the boobs on the main character.

Also, while we’re into technology, we’re usually not into cars and won’t like talking about them, unless referring to Top Gear episodes. And we’re definitely not into sports. We couldn’t care less if your team just won, and how many times it has done so since 1923. On the same note, we will not be impressed by the number of hours you spend in the gym.

4. Choose your compliments

Geeks value expertise and intelligence, both in you and in themselves. So when complimenting, try to compliment talents, skills and knowledge more than physical appearance. We like that you think we’re pretty, but we’ll love it if you think we’re smart.

 5. For the love of god, don’t a/s/l

I’m serious. There is no bigger turn-off.

 6. Don’ t talk down to a geek

Geeky women can install their own software and will know how a computer works. So if we ask you for advice on a crashed program, don’t state the obvious. We will have checked the plug, and rebooted. Talking down to us, especially about something you don’t know that much more about, will be met with frustration.

7. Geeky women are not men

We are more than just ‘geeks’ and will enjoy other things than slagging off game companies and playing Guitar Hero.

But while we may like buying shoes or baking cake, a geek is by default a modern woman. That means we also enjoy being independent, and the right to vote. Try to keep this in mind and act as if it’s actually the 21st century. Sexist remarks are never sexy. Not even when said jokingly.

 You can read the rest of the tips in part two, right here.

Because I am surrounded by geeks almost 16 hours a day, I’ve taken part in a ridiculous amount of discussions about Apple versus Microsoft. I don’t think there will ever be consensus other than ‘you do your thing, and I’ll do mine’, but somehow I never get tired of them. 

I recently attended a panel discussion in which a man called Richard Clayton (a brass and well spoken security expert at Cambridge University) made an excellent point about one of the core differences. Microsoft, he said, doesn’t like to make choices for their customers. If you install a Microsoft product, it’ll ask you where you want to put it and how much of it you want to install on your hard drive. Apple, on the other hand, have thought long and hard about how it should be, and make those choices for you. They decide what’s best for you, on the basis that it would take too long to educate the masses to make well thought-out decisions.

This is one of the reasons that Apple products ‘just work’ whereas for Microsoft you may have to mess around a bit, possibly because you put something in the wrong place, or installed it in the wrong way.

But as it so happens, I find myself to be a control freak. I’m one of those people that occasionally look at their task manager, I actively manage what programs are allowed to run on startup and so on. I like to know what’s going on in my pc, and I like to think I know what I’m doing (half the time I don’t, but that doesn’t stop me).

So when Windows tries to stop me from viewing my system files, I get angry. And when Apple tries to sneak stuff past me, I uninstall every Apple product on my computer. This is probably an overreaction, but it’s what I did. You see, I like some Apple products. I love iTunes. It’s a handy way of turning your cd’s into mp3’s, it has an awesome streaming feature for other people in your network. It’s a good program. Installing it, however, adds three new programs to your startup file, none of which you need or even gave permission for, and one of which is an updater that I can only assume drags in more crap. And that, dear reader, is way too close to spyware software for me to be comfortable with.

But obviously, that’s not for everyone. Whenever my mother uses a computer, for instance, she gets all tense, and the choices she has to make get her even more nervous. If she, and this goes for a lot of people, gets a popup, she just wants to make it go away. And since most of the pop-ups she gets are gibberish to her, she doesn’t always make informed choices. For her, something that ‘just works’ would be more than enough.

For me, it isn’t. Of course, sometimes I make the wrong choices, but at least they’re my choices. There’s a tiny little rebel in me that feels all good about itself when it got to exert power over an electronic device.

I’m a pc. Isn’t that just horrible? Ask yourself: what are you? Why do you use the system you use?