I have awesome hair – it’s thick and relatively co-operative, and quite happy to be completely neglected by its owner. “Washed, brushed and ignored” is a pretty accurate description of my hair’s existence, and it is long. Gorgeously long – I haven’t worn it short since I was four. Unfortunately though, long hair tends to get split ends – especially mine, after snapping what looked like a brown daisy chain off the end of a strand on the bus this morning, I decided it was time to trim it.

Regina Spektor fans will probably recognise the line “Maybe you should cut your own hair, ’cause that can be so funny! It doesn’t cost any money, and it always grows back…”. What an excellent philosophy.

So, I took to the bathroom, with a mirror and a pair of nail scissors (the big ones are in the dishwasher, God knows why). It’s not rocket science to realise that cutting your own hair at the back is quite challenging, so I expected it to start out wonky. I wasn’t disappointed.

hair111Admittedly, the upside-down children’s slide look wasn’t quite what I was going for. But as a starting point, it wasn’t bad. At least it wasn’t three inches shorter on one side than the other.
I had another go at it, trying to make it look less like a slightly confused right-angled triangle.

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Starting to get there. This was meant to make it a “gentler curve”, instead ended up with something like a mountain range. Still, a mountain range has more angles than a right-angled triangle!

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At this point I couldn’t help but be reminded of a science lesson years ago, during which a somewhat furtive Mr. Frisby (No, technically that wasn’t his name) attempted to explain how his vinyl was better than our mp3s. Why? Because analogue signals curve smoothly, creating real, proper music; whereas digital signals can only achieve a shallow imitation through a series of straight lines. Clearly, I’m very much a digital girl.

hair4Eventually, I settled for being digital. It’s hardly haut couture, but this is coming from a person who has neon green and orange laces on her black trainers. As Regina says, it always grows back.
One piece of advice, though – if ever, for some insane reason, you find yourself taking photos of the back of your head by putting a camera on the bathroom windowsill and kneeling in front of it, don’t lock the door. There is nothing like the brief expression that flickers over someone’s face when they wander into the bathroom to pee, and find you kneeling in front of them grinning like a maniac.

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